Weird Weekend

I had a weekend that was both great and unsettling.  The night before I had another "make out" session with Tony, which consisted of passionate kissing and feeling each other up, and carressing each other's bodies.

On Saturday, I had a small get together at my house. Included in the guests were Tony and a gay friend, who is married.  The married guy is very attractive.
He is in a loveless marriage, but doesn't want to end it due to having a lot of mutual assets (House/cars/motorhomes/rental houses, etc).  His wife doesn't know about him, but he said that she suspects.
This guy I will call Roger.  He is late 30's, with a beautiful, trim body.  He also has a very handsome face, good skin, great teeth and he looks and acts straight.  He was an acquaintance through work.  I am not in the closet so I'm sure everyone knows and he called me one night when his wife was out of town.
He wanted to come over and look a painting that I had told him about.
I of course let him and he hinted around about me being gay and he told me that he had gay feelings.  He had only been with one guy, one time, in college.
I asked him if he thought about having sex with a guy:

Roger: All of the time.

Me:  Want to give it a go.

Roger:  Sure! with a big smile on his face.

We went to my bedroom and removed our clothes.  He started warning me that he had a small dick. 
I told him that it didn't matter and he kept bringing it up.

Me: Roger, you are so handsome that it doesn't matter that your dick isn't that big.

Roger:  But everyone else is so much bigger.  I don't want to disappoint you.

Me:  You can NOT disappoint me.  All you have to do is show up. As in be here, right now, with me naked.  Whatever happens will be great.  Even if either of us screws up sexually.  If you are in bed with me and naked, it can only be right.

Naked, he has a beautiful body, not much hair, but a treasure trail. He dick is small at probably 4 1/2" and somewhat thin.  It is rock hard.  The head points down somewhat.  I was OK with it.  Mine was a monster next to his.  He had me beat on looks and body though. 
We started having sex and he was loving it. I was pretty good with it myself.  He kept bringing up self doubts and I finally said.

Me: Listen dude.  Stop analyzing this too much. You are a really handsome guy.  All you have to do is "show up" and the other guy will be happy.

At one point I said:  Dude shut up and suck on my dick.

He wanted to do anal, which to him meant I fuck him and then he fuck me.
I told him that I didn't want to get fucked.  He said :

Roger:  If you fuck me, I'll have to fuck you.

Me: No, not going to happen.

The oral sex went along well, and he told me that I wasn't a good kisser.  He wanted me to kiss him in a more conservative way.  When I kiss, I am usually told that I am a great kisser.  I hear that all of the time, plus I can tell that it is true by the other guy's reactions. 

He also said:  It would be great if you trimmed your bush down and shaved your balls.

Me:  I'm happy with what I have going on.

Roger:  I'd like it a lot better if you were trimmed.

Me:  Some guys love for the guy to be trimmed.  Others prefer a more natural look.

Now my bush is not long and scraggly.  My balls actually have very little hair.  I was thinking that this was  great to have this trim muscular handsome guy in my bed sucking my dick.  I was now starting to be a little turned off (but not enough to not enjoy the rest of the evening). I did end up fucking him with a rubber. 

I knew that we would not be regular fuck buddies on my part.  He was very willing to have it be a regular thing. He is a great guy, we just didn't click  from my point of view.  This weekend he told me that I could have him any time that I wanted.

I later had him take a photo of himself naked which he e mailed to me so that I could show it to my friends and hook him up.

Roger:  Is this photo good enough.

Me:  It is an awesome pic.  It is the perfect bait to get you laid.

At the party at my house on Saturday, Tony and Roger met.  I had told Roger that Tony was sort of my boyfriend, but he had another friend that wanted to meet him.  I should have realized that I should have never let them meet.  Roger really likes Latinos.  He is also emotionally starving at the gay buffet.  Roger and Tony exchanged #'s and Tony told me the next day that they had kissed.  I had told him that Roger had told me that I wasn't a great kisser.  Tony told me that I was a really good kisser, but that Roger was also a good kisser. 

I didn't know if Tony was being honest or fucking with my head.  With reflection and having talked with him today, I think he is flirting and trying to get me jealous.  I was in a funk and a weird state on Sunday and Monday wondering if I had lost Tony as a lover.  Tony is the type that if he has a boyfriend, there is not fooling around on the side.

It's kind of fucked up if you think about it.  Tony had only ever kissed 2 men.  His previous lover and me. I'm somewhat upset thinking that he kissed my friend, and at the same time, I myself am a huge slut.

The next day, Monday, I called my #1 Fan.  He agreed to drive 40 minutes and meet me at the local Adult Video Store.  On my drive there, with melancholy I was lamenting Tony kissing Roger, while at the same time I was on my way to have my dick and cum sucked out of me.

My #1 Fan sucked, he rimmed, I came.  Truly awesome.  My #1 Fan never disappoints me. 

I think that Tony and I are good.  I'm not even sure that he actually kissed Roger.  This feels a bit like a Junior High teasing kind of thing.  It is even possible that after I eventually fuck Tony, that I could lose interest in him.  Probably that will not happen, but it is possible.  I don't want to stand in his way of happiness if it is with Roger.  I think though that I will win in the Jeff vs Roger matchup.